Tuesday, November 2, 2010

okay....I know.

I haven't been getting on lately. I took the time out from the social network world and saying I might be closing down my blogspot...why? I'm hardly be on here mostly on twitter and facebook.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Drifting

I sometimes find I'm drifting
Through this life without effect;
I often wonder if I'm truly
Worth what I've been blessed.


I search through days that have been hard,
To try to understand,
The many trials that I have known,
The life that I have had.


You see me in my daily grind,
So confident and strong;
Yet when I am alone, I question
Just where I belong.


I often try too hard I find,
To analyze and guess,
To scrutinize, investigate
My life I will confess.


For somewhere deeper, there must be
Some meaning to this life,
Some way to make a difference,
Give a reason for this strife.


Is there some hidden meaning?
Some agenda to be found?
A greater purpose waiting
If I care to hang around?


It teases and it taunts me,
Always slightly out of sight;
A hazy vision out of reach,
Where darkness hides the light.


I struggle to bring clarity
To what awaits me there,
And yet this weak illusion
Always fades before my stare.


It seems the harder that I try,
To focus through the haze,
Just serves to add more questions,
Through my endless, tired gaze.


Perhaps I'm trying just too hard,
To understand it all,
For can we ever truly know
Just what we have in store?


Each incident, each moment passed,
Just adds upon the next,
But in the end, will I find truth ...
Or will I be perplexed?


Perhaps I make it harder
Than it has to be sometimes,
But will my searching bring to me
My meaning over time?


Or will it leave me broken,
And confused as I feel now,
While questions bring no solitude,
To this, my wrinkled brow.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

This Woman

This woman and I say woman despite her age because she is so mature means the world to me. She's the person I can depend on to always be there when I need someone by my side.She understands me, which is very rare and she accepts me despite my imperfections. She is that girl that can give me a good laugh at any time of the day.She's such a positive energy to be around and everyone needs a friend like her. But too bad you can't have her cause she's mine. She is my fashionista twin and one of my greatest inspirations. She's accomplished so much at such a young age & motivates me daily to do the same.

Monday, September 20, 2010

A Different Path

It's time to go, to leave this place
A shadowy voice does cry.
But the voice belongs to me alone,
And still I wonder why.


The time is here upon me now
Like a weight, heavy pounding.
Or has it Lifted? Hard to tell
The Questions keep arising.


The unknown awaits, as it does
For foolish few who dare.


Is it foolishness?


Curiosity perhaps?


Or something I'm not aware.


For I am scared and poignant now
More than ever at present.
Tears cloud my eyes as pen meets paper,
And I hope for my ascent.


I leave behind what I comprehend
And even with all communication.
I know for now without doubt,
I drift, en route a new location.


But who's to say what shall pass
And what still lies ahead.
I only know that were I'm at,
I'll yearn 'till forever dead.


Yet for now the flame still burns inside
However daily dying.
To light the path less traveled by
In haste I'm already striding.


But am I running from that I cannot?


Escape from oneself is ever brief.
Before we are again confronted,
Hunting for relief.


Yet still I follow my perilous path
To wherever it might be leading.
And well it may, onto something new,
And strangely more inviting.


Or perhaps not . . .


But who's to know, not I as yet
The fate of anyone on this Earth,
I wouldn't like to bet.


For life can lead in many ways
Often now undesired.
Fate can deal a cruel hand sometimes,
But we play on, cold and tired.


And art is born of life


Hard, dejected and trodden.


Hence emerges exquisite beauty,
And some direction from the coffin.


Finding it is a difficult thing
Sometimes left without thought.
But time it ticks, and years they fly,
I'm sure it can't be bought.


So we search, as do I
For things that bring on the 'morrow.
The weak are those who don't pursue,
And languish in their sorrow.


Happiness is that I chase
And hope to find someday.
I'll count the means again I'm sure,


There is always another way . . .

Not In Her Storm

I see the clouds rolling in and oh how it looks like rain
And it is always I fight for the welcome change
When it rains it pours on this heart of mine
So, I take the storms I feel to her each time.


But I know she has lived under her own pouring rain
Yet under her water her heart still doesn't change
She can walk away from what hangs overhead
And, not in her storm, are words left unsaid.


Not in her storm have I ever felt alone
Her storm ends, so I, may find my way home
It's for me that she pushes away her own rain
So, that I may find comfort in calling her name.


She lives in this world for the sake of another's heart
God, how she eases the miles when worlds apart
And she never wanders when your world falls through
Not ever in her storm would she do this to you.


She has wings that I know not only I can see
Cause only an angel could find strength to carry me
It's the way that the eyes can surely view
How her heart's written so clearly in what an angel can do.


Not in her storm is her work ever done
And even in her storm she hands me the sun
When her world is dark - I always have light
And now how I hold the new color of night.


She takes then she gives to an unhappy face
So that many can find an awesome place
I have been able to love her more every day
And with her hand in mine the clouds roll away.


Not in any storm that I will ever live beneath
Could ever change what I hold here inside of me
Not in any of her storms have I lost my angels touch
To that angel out there, I love her so much.

Shut Up, Stop Lying.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Since I didn't had a blogger on June 25, 2009. I would like to share some words.

Michael Jackson was my one of favorite singer, and dancer. I was speechless when I heard that he passed away. I was on the computer like I am right now and watching tv. They said that Michael Jackson was rushed to the hospital than a couple minutes later they announced that he had passed away. I couldn't believe it. People on twitter, and facebook was just shock that king of pop was gone. I sat the whole day watching and listening to his music and music video. I didn't had no emotion in me. I was just there shock. Because before I became a fan of B2K....I was a huge fan of MJ. So the next day I was heading to Connecticut. So when I'm got there. In the hotel with my cousin and uncle watching cnn, All the overwhelming feeling finally hit me. I shed tears a little, My cousin asked me whats wrong I said I miss Michael Jackson, He said me too. So while we was in Connecticut we just celebrated his wonderful talent that he shared to the world. Even though It will been a year already. I still miss him. RIP MJ- Love Liyah.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Makeup Tips: Get That Wide-Eyed Look.

Color can do more than simply beautify. Skilled makeup artists rely on a few color tricks to create convincing illusions, like making close-set eyes look farther apart. Light shades enlarge, so spotlight the space between your eyes. Use a highlighting or light neutral shadow in the inner area of the eye. Expert Wear Shadows have a wide range of the light shades for you. Use dark shadow that complements your eye liner and sweep it past the outer edge of the eye. Keep the eye extension strong by focusing on your outer lashes. Layer a lengthening mascara like Unstoppable on your outer lashes. For more drama, try false lashes. If they come in a strip like Expert Eyes Dramatic Expert Lashes, snip off and apply a segment that's just your size.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Difference

There is a part of me
That feels I am different from everyone else.
Something that I can't quite see,
Something that I can't quite feel,
Something so unreal.
But this 'thing' is always there,
This 'thing' with others, I will never share.
So I push it to the back of my mind,
All the thoughts of boys and clothes
And make-up, it is hiding behind.
Sometimes, when I have almost forgotten,
It comes back with such ferocity,
Angry and unforgiving.
I feel so lost and sad,
Whatever caused this feeling
Must have been so horrible and bad.
A lost memory or something else,
I'll never know,
Whatever it is,
I know for sure,
I can never let this feeling show.

End Of Innocence

Secrets, secrets
Lies, lies
She sits in her room,
and cries and cries.
There's no more trust
In this girl's heart.
She finally found out
That life isn't perfect.
She lived in dreams,
As children often do.
But she crawled out
Into the world everyone knew.
Things that once were.
Happiness once known;
The truth of it all
To her was shown.
Her little heart
Will never trust again.
She'll never know
A real true friend.
No more trust,
For no more lies.
She'll sit in her room
And cry and cry

Monday, August 30, 2010

What Spring Does with the Cherry Trees

Every day you play with the light of the universe.
Subtle visitor, you arrive in the flower and the water.
You are more than this white head that I hold tightly
as a cluster of fruit, every day, between my hands.

You are like nobody since I love you.
Let me spread you out among yellow garlands.
Who writes your name in letters of smoke among the stars of the south?
Oh let me remember you as you were before you existed.

Suddenly the wind howls and bangs at my shut window.
The sky is a net crammed with shadowy fish.
Here all the winds let go sooner or later, all of them.
The rain takes off her clothes.

The birds go by, fleeing.
The wind. The wind.
I can contend only against the power of men.
The storm whirls dark leaves
and turns loose all the boats that were moored last night to the sky.

You are here. Oh, you do not run away.
You will answer me to the last cry.
Cling to me as though you were frightened.
Even so, at one time a strange shadow ran through your eyes.

Now, now too, little one, you bring me honeysuckle,
and even your breasts smell of it.
While the sad wind goes slaughtering butterflies
I love you, and my happiness bites the plum of your mouth.

How you must have suffered getting accustomed to me,
my savage, solitary soul, my name that sends them all running.
So many times we have seen the morning star burn, kissing our eyes,
and over our heads the gray light unwind in turning fans.

My words rained over you, stroking you.
A long time I have loved the sunned mother-of-pearl of your body.
I go so far as to think that you own the universe.
I will bring you happy flowers from the mountains, bluebells,
dark hazels, and rustic baskets of kisses.
I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Circle Game

Everyday is different but it feels the same, My mood goes up and down with every move you make If I could I would get my self off this ride and we would be on the same page at the same time.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

The Feeling Of Love

The feeling of love is amazing but broken hearts is not. Sometimes wonder will I ever have a love that will stay around. Its people that will take our loves away just to hurt us. I want a prince that will wake me up from this wicked spell, Someone that I will trust and love forever....without someone breaking us apart.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

The days have gone by fast...What do you think!?

I can't believe its august already and yesterday it was just june now its august. Before you know it, its time for school again. The stress of working hard and getting up in the morning everyday can be a pain but I will celebrate my last weeks of summer before school starts. I hope everyone have a great productive day! :)

Saturday, July 31, 2010

So thank heaven for you...

"Whenever I get lost, you never let me disappear for long
You always bring me water you never let me falter."

Listen

I wish I just had someone I can vent to who would just sit and listen to me. Like fully listen to me, understand me, be there for me, hug me, and just care. I feel like no one can understand what I'm going through right now. Sometimes I just want to scream as loud as I can but it's like nothing comes out, not vocally but emotionally. I hate being nagged and most importantly I hate when I'm trying my best to just be happy or do right but yet nothing is good enough. I'm in a place where I can't escape, I hate these closed walls When is it going to be that I can finally be to myself, let everything out and feel good about it. I want to be able to feel myself again, be comfortable with my skin, diminish all the tears, forget all the worrying and just remember what it was like to do me and not care what anyone thinks. I think its almost coming to an end though,hopefully I mean they say it takes a downfall to rise back up. Hopefully my downfall has ended.

Friday, July 30, 2010

speaking my mind

some things are easier for me to write than say and theres some things that I have to get off my chest. This year I would have to say was one of the hardest and most stressful years I have been through. Sometimes I wish I can regret it all but truth is I don't regret anything that happens in my life, despite all the pain I have dwelt with I feel like situations I have been through, made me stronger in the weakest way possible. Sounds weird but its true. I do believe I'm strong but I'm not gonna lie I have shed the tears, I have had nights where I couldn't sleep, I have had nights were I have felt lost, I have had nights were I have felt alone, I've been betrayed, brokenhearted, blamed, I mean all the above. People I thought cared about me don't. Sometimes I would say to myself," A, how could you be so stupid?" and I can't say I didn't see all of this coming because I have had troubles trusting my instincts and going with what feels right. I learned that trust isn't easy you can't just take it, you got to earn it, its like a gift you want to take care of. But in the end I realized I am not stupid, I mean all of us have to go through conflicts once in our life and we have to learn from them, the sooner the better and I'm glad to see myself mature. I'm imperfect to the fullest I mean flaws in all I do make mistakes and a lot of them at that. Honestly I almost thought i broke down completely this year, I felt like how can I deal with all this at once, my life was a mess and I couldn't pick up the pieces, but with friends who stood around and advice from my mother I learned that god will never put you through things you can not handle. I've learned you have to be strong and have the attitude like your not alone, you can't worry. Worry in my eyes is the expectation that god will fail you. God doesn't fail no one. I could write all day but all my trials but truth is, I'm glad with the woman I'm becoming and I wouldn't change the things I have learned or overcome for nothing, I see it all as me growing up, and I'm ready to grow more and face more challenges. Nothing and no one can stop me from being and becoming me.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Longing Still

"When life brings me nothing but tears, I wondered for so long. To keep smiling though troubles come, and still remain sweet and silently overcome."

A hole where there was none.

I don't know if you're pushing me away or pulling me closer. I don't know where I stand so I guess this a hole where there was none. I don't know what you want from me or If you care at all. Don't turn tables or place this on me just come out and tell me what it is you want. I can't read minds, I don't know where I stand. Are you pushing me away or are you going to finally let me in or this a hole where there was none.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Growing Pains

"My depression is my changing in life. I feel, you don't belong in my life…I will slowly remove you out of my life."