speaking my mind

some things are easier for me to write than say and theres some things that I have to get off my chest. This year I would have to say was one of the hardest and most stressful years I have been through. Sometimes I wish I can regret it all but truth is I don't regret anything that happens in my life, despite all the pain I have dwelt with I feel like situations I have been through, made me stronger in the weakest way possible. Sounds weird but its true. I do believe I'm strong but I'm not gonna lie I have shed the tears, I have had nights where I couldn't sleep, I have had nights were I have felt lost, I have had nights were I have felt alone, I've been betrayed, brokenhearted, blamed, I mean all the above. People I thought cared about me don't. Sometimes I would say to myself," A, how could you be so stupid?" and I can't say I didn't see all of this coming because I have had troubles trusting my instincts and going with what feels right. I learned that trust isn't easy you can't just take it, you got to earn it, its like a gift you want to take care of. But in the end I realized I am not stupid, I mean all of us have to go through conflicts once in our life and we have to learn from them, the sooner the better and I'm glad to see myself mature. I'm imperfect to the fullest I mean flaws in all I do make mistakes and a lot of them at that. Honestly I almost thought i broke down completely this year, I felt like how can I deal with all this at once, my life was a mess and I couldn't pick up the pieces, but with friends who stood around and advice from my mother I learned that god will never put you through things you can not handle. I've learned you have to be strong and have the attitude like your not alone, you can't worry. Worry in my eyes is the expectation that god will fail you. God doesn't fail no one. I could write all day but all my trials but truth is, I'm glad with the woman I'm becoming and I wouldn't change the things I have learned or overcome for nothing, I see it all as me growing up, and I'm ready to grow more and face more challenges. Nothing and no one can stop me from being and becoming me.